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10. The Cheat to Win Bracelet

Make your hippie friend look twice. Then lamp him in the face and flick the bracelet into his eye. A real friend-winner.

9. The Professional Whisk set

With 28 tennis-elbow inducing whisks, this is the one to give to your wife or girlfriend. Or even BOTH!

8. “I wish I Were Dead” Mug

Make your coworkers shifty and nervous that you may likely snap and shoot them all – hurray for open plan!

7. Ho Ho Ho – I saw You Masturbating Xmas Cards

THE best xmas card to send late – it’s like Santa was biding his time, watching you all thw hile. PAEDO!

6. Jesus is My Health Insurance T-Shirt

There are so many Tees out there these days – why not wear ALL of them AT ONCE? Leave this one on the outside though. otherwise you’d look weird.

5. The Visorganiser

Hate being popular? Want to look like a complete dolt? This turns your hat into another pocket! Walk around with everything all the time FOREVER!

4. A self-referential tote bag

Good job there’s a French stick in that photo, so the model could conceal his raging hard-on at the prospect of having this AMAZING product. GET FIVE. THEN GET MORE ARMS TO HOLD THEM ALL!

3. No Trans-Fatties bumper Sticker

Watch out if you’re a chubber AND behind THIS car. You just got served, girl(or boy-)friend! And not in the way that your nine meals a day go. HA! FAT!

2. Peaceful Progression Smoke Alarm

Alarms are really harsh these days. I mean what ifn you’re asleep? It might wake you up or something. Screw that. I’d rather burn to death to the sound of a forest of tranquility. Get a soothing alarm today!

1. All of the above!

Doesn’t get any better than having all of them. Walk round like a satire-prone blinged out Irony Pimp with all this posh tosh hanging off you like it’s Xmas.


This is sad.

After the revelation that Ledger had been taking Ambien/StilNox, this ‘joke’ appeared on PleaseGodNo today. It seems that the phrase “too soon?” no longer seems to apply. Not that I can imagine any time being right for this kind of joke.

There’s a difference between pushing an envelope and being a heartless prick.


One IDIOT on the site rants:

heath ledger’s death is all part of a viral campaign for the new batman movie. promotions for the dark knight have included coordinates to places in america to meet up for special gatherings for the film and defaced websites and the usual ARP related games. this is no different. when the film is released, the joker’s biggest prank of all will be revealed and he will indeed laugh at the fools who believed this.

That’s right – we’re all the subject of this “joke”in which a young father dies leaving a daughter and a grieving family behind (whose public statement is really CONVINCING – wow, a family of actors…)and it’s all to sell a film. Twankunt.

500 in brawl at Darling Harbour – National –

Amazing place, Australia.

Just a few months ago, there was a 80+ person brawl at a WAKE in Balmain, Sydney’s posh suburb to the west. Presumably one guy reckoned the “corpse didn’t look dead enough” or “black does make you look fat darling.”

Then in November there was a 150 person fist-pile-up in Sydney at a birthday bash. Now, I’m not a 100% on this one, but I think 150 people counts as a skirmish, in military terms.

The 500 person brawl kicked off at the Pontoon bar (Pictures here) and many papers are variously describing it as a skirmish, a brawl, a fight or even a ‘situation.’

However, according to my copy of Smith’s Imperial Military Measurements – Revised edition due to Editorial Fisticuff, a 500 person fight is technically a ‘war’:

“Rough divisions of entanglement by number:

1 on 1
Fight, fisticuffs, punch-up

2 on 1
kicking, beating, smacking, twatting

2 on 2
spiked punch, wrecking ball, brawl, thudding

up to 10 members
face-blast, Catherine-Wheel of fists, Ambulance Party

up to 50
Mother-trashing, Wrestlemania

100 +
Skirmish, Insurgency, Rampage, Bushwhack

Regional Instability, Airstrike, Battle of Helm’s Deep

Civil War, Tibetan Face-Lift, Tearing the Planet a new one

All Out War (including international embargoes, no flight zones, millions of deaths and sopme sort of state controlled war budget.”

(Source, Smith’s Imperial Military Measurements, pp86-100)

What is interesting is this seems to have been a WAR waged in Sydney by the Serbian population. So essentially we have the world’s first civil war on foreign soil – making it a sort of ‘outsourced’ war (let’s face it – Sydney has more to offer than Serbia when it comes to shiny chairs to throw at people etc.)

This blogger will certainly keep his eyes open – it’s Warwatch Sydney! Simpy Reddit Slashdot Digg Facebook Technorati Google StumbleUpon Windows Live Furl Netscape Yahoo BlinkList Bloglines Ask Mister Wong Newsvine Backflip Spurl Rawsugar Squidoo Fark

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