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In my bid to do my bit for the ANON war against Scientology, here’s a run-down of the most absurd bits of Scientology lore. It’s batshit insane, and unlike what the liberals are saying, should be banned outright on the grounds that it is not a religion just because some gullible people believe in it’s doctrines.

A lot of people respond with “Oh but Christians believe insane stuff too, so what about them.” Well they’re JUST as insane, let’s fight each battle separately. I am just as vocal about Intelligent Design, so shut your stupid face, world.

Anyway.

Crazy Scientology Facts

It’s founder, L Ron Hubbard, was a science fiction writer before inventing Scientology.

The Church believe that an intergalactic overlord called Xenu, who presided over 78 planets, over 78 million years ago, and brought the overpopulated masses from the other planets to”The Prison Planet” Earth (called TeeGeeAk) where he bombed them with Hydrogen bombs.

Although Scientology is viciously opposed to the use of psych drugs, L Ron Hubbard was using Vistaril, a psych drug, when he died.

To avoid controversy in the late 60’s, Hubbard took to the seas in a fleet of ships he commanded, named the fleet “Sea Org“, took a load of crazy recreational drugs, tortured his crew and had semiclad girls wait on him hand a foot.

If you sign up to be a member of Sea Org, your contract is for a billion years. Yes it is. It’s here.

David Miscavige, leader of the Church of Scientology, used to beat his aides.

L Ron Hubbard once begged the Veterans Administration for psychiatric help.

Scientologists refer to non-Scientologists as “wogs”. The term is copyrighted. It is unsurprising to learn that Hubbard was a racist too.

The Church of Scientology is not a church, it’s a corporation.

Hubbard was a serial masturbator, noting in his diaries:
I have a very bad masturbatory history. I was taught when I was 11 and, despite guilt, fear of insanity, etc. etc. I persisted.

The Chuirch of Scientology forged bomb threats from one of its ex members to frame her for conviction.

A randomised study of the Stress Test the Church offers had 3 individuals submit diametrically opposed answers – details here. The results all reflected negative results, requiring treatment. Which means the test is weighted towards negativity.

Great video, very funny . “Protecting the nation’s borders? I have 2 words. Chuck Norris.”

Shame both are crazy Christians. Oh and that Norris is actually suing someone for publishing the Chuck Norris Facts. Nice work being original for once though. Completely avoided speaking about any real issues. Good.

Thanks to Norris suing the Chuck Norris Facts Book recently published, an organic search for Chuck Norris now brings up the hilarious site of the Chuck Norris Facts before it brings up the actual man.

Chuck Norris

Hurrah! Fiction wins out over real life to claim the ‘truth crown.’

Unfortunately, whilst a search for Santorum still yields the definition of “The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex” above homophobic cock Senator Rick Santorum, “Rick Santorum” however still brings up Rick Santorum, rather than the sex-lather “Santorum”.
Santorum

Famously a few years ago, ‘misearble failure’ yielded the result “Biography of George W Bush, thanks to the deliberate information reference work of “Googlebombing”.

That is all.
Except we should now consider doing the same thing for Bruce Campbell, since the man is busy making fictional films whilst playing the real Bruce Campbell in them…what a legend.

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