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Gordon Peterson, the man (not really all that) better-known as Indio, broke a twenty year silence worthy of Thomas Pynchon last month. Was it to record another album? Perhaps a single? Were we once again going to be lucky enough to hear that desperately honest voice produce music we don’t even hear in our dreams? Holy SHIT! WAS IT?

No – the fucker came out of retirement to sue the one man responsible for awakening the world to the wonder that was the little-known 1989 album Big Harvest, which Peterson wrote and then recorded with a group of some ten other artists (including Joni Mitchell and her then-future husband.)

Recent Photo of Gordon Peterson, AKA Indio

That’s right – Peterson broke self-imposed cover to kick a lawsuit into the face and eyes of Eddie Vedder, whose singular crime was to cover Hard Sun from Peterson’s album and sing some different lyrics.

Wow, what did Vedder do, call him a “cunt” in the opening line? Openly mock his family and religion? Perhaps he gave Peterson’scredit card details out in the chorus, as well as his mother’s maiden name in the middle 8. Maybe the bassline was actually morse code for Peterson’s home address.  That’s if you CAN have an address for a camouflage netting-covered treehouse in the woods, of course.

Surprisingly (or maybe unsurprisingly) it turns out to be none of those things (not EVEN a combination.) Vedder’s only crime was to change a few lines of one verse, and miss out another half-sized verse half-way through the song.

For avoidance of doubt, here are the changes Vedder actually made in real life. You can hear Vedder’s version HERE and Indio’s HERE (that is until he sues Youtube for hosting his song FOR FREE presumably.)

Hard Sun – Lyrics comparison – Bold indicates change, red is missed out. Blue shows original lyrics.

When I walk beside her
I am the better man
when i look to leave her
I always stagger back again

Once I built an ivory tower
so I could worship from above
when I climb down to be set free
she took me in again

CHORUS
There’s a big
a big hard sun
beating on the big people
in the big hard world

When she comes to greet me
she is mercy at my feet
When I see her inner charm (original is “when I stay to pillage her”)

she just throws it back at me

Once I dug an early grave
to find a better land
she just smiled and laughed at me
and took her rules back again (original is “and took her blues back again“)

CHORUS

when I go to cross that river
she is comfort by my side
when I try to understand
she just opens up her eyes

CHORUS

Once I stood to lose her
and I saw what i had done
bowed down and threw away the hours
of her garden and her sun

So I tried to want her
I turned to see her weep
40 days and 40 nights
and its still coming down on me

Right, now for the maths. There are, including counting each repeated chorus, 220 words in this song. I’m excluding the gospel-style vocal riffing that leads out the original because they’re not really lyrics – not in terms of what Peterson has named in his lawsuit as the “artistic integrity” – that means he’s talking about structure. No-one could sing the vocal riffage with a straight face in a cover without sounding contrived. That would be worse for the artistic integrity. Anyway…

Of the 220 words, Vedder removed one iteration of the chorus- we can put this down to Radio editing, however, we’ll count it, as it IS a change. We want to be fair after all, right Gordon?

Additionally, another five WHOLE words were altered, replaced by brand-new Satan-worshipping words. Except that the Shit-sandwich line about “pillaging” a woman was eased up to a line about “inner charm” by Vedder. As the tremendous Earvolution puts it, it kind of needed to be “softened up”, since Vedder was creating the score for Into the Wild, a film about a man who dies alone in the wild.It wasn’t that good a line anyway.

So, what’s the percentage change? 46 words out of 220 is a change of 20.9% of the words. That’s INCLUDING the missed out chorus of 17 words (without this, the change is 13%.)

Nevertheless, one thing is clear. Gordon Peterson is CLEARLY up for a fight with the world. I’m up for a challenge. So here’s my challenge to Gordon Peterson.

SUE ME, TWAT! Sue me for the following changes to your song (remember, I didn’t even ask for permission to reprint these lyrics, like it asks me to in your liner notes. That’s gotta be worth a few million right?)

Hard Sun covered on the internet by Hypernation (Bold indicates changes)

When I walk beside her
I am the bigger twat
when i look to leave her
I always stagger home to my treehouse drunk on ether fumes

Once I built an ivory tower
To make up for my laughable manhood
when I climb down to be set free
Did I mention I live in a tree?

CHORUS
There’s a big
a big hard hand
beating off the big penis
in the big hard-core

When she comes to greet me
I don’t know how to react and disappear for twenty years

When Eddie Vedder covers me

I just throw it back at him

Once I dug an early grave
to find a better land
It obviously didn’t work
So I sued a Betterman (come on Pearl Jam fans!)

CHORUS (see above)

There – I also skipped 3 verses and 2 more choruses. Go on Gordon – sue me like the malevolent weirdo you are. GO ON!

Vedder didn’t ruin your music. YOU DID.

Twat.

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logowas a dream come true for the world at large. A site in gorgeous flash encoding, that served up Heroes, Prison Break, The Simpsons, Family Guy, American Dad, American Heroes, Prison Dad, and Family Break, as well as thousands of old films (and even the entire Doogie Howser back-catalogue if you’re that way inclined) for one and all to watch in streaming HD. No clogged up harddrives or waiting times. Touch my face and call me Susan, it’s an internet miracle.

And the only restriction, it seemed, was the week or so delay between Terrestrial broadcast and netcast required to make the licensing between the Big Media companies who owned the shows and Hulu, their own joint venture, hold up in the stiff breeze of desperately needed TV Ad revenue streams (come on, a mixed weather metaphor is pretty sweet.)

Hulu is configured to recognise your IP address and boot you out of the site with not so much as a flicker of Jack Bauer’s tradesmile to send you on your way back to your own shitty, unilluminated life if you’re not in the US (read either “Not from round here, boy” or even “Unamerican”.)

WHAT? Watching 24 outside the US? That's Terrorism sir...

WHAT? Watching 24 outside the US? That's Terrorism sir...

But gladly a nice free unobtrusive IP Anonymizer application called Hotspotshield allowed you to dodge that Entertainment Bullet by making your connection seem like it was in the US via a huge free VPN circuit you can simply tag into. And the cost? Nothing, HSS automatically sends banner ads your way, so you can buy a mail-order bride whilst Wahey for free US TV again!

Well you can go fuck yourself if you think THAT wasn’t going to change. Hulu caught wise to this little trick (presumably after some complete Sweaty Park Cock ratted on the rest of teh interwebz and told a technician at Hulu, or maybe they worked it out for themselves – less exciting, that one,) and has blocked HSS IP addresses, so now all of the world that isn’t Manifest Destiny has to get its fun from this sexy little image:

Yeah baby, I could look at this for hours

Yeah baby, I could look at this for hours

Already the tech bloggers are squawking angrily about “Hulu’s decision to geoblock its content” – which is half-fair, because really it’s Fox, NBC etc who are making that rule up, and Hulu has to take the flak for being contractually obliged to enforce it and thereby NOT going to prison for eight billion years and pay infinity plus $8 in fines. And read Chaucer (a less well-known but equally gruesome pubnishment for piracy these days. Look it up. DO IT.)

Of course the internet is a big angry Hydra; cut off one path and eight new ones appear in its place. Not only is the staff of HSS running around, seven dusty servers in each arm, looking for an abandoned warehouse to plug their gadgets into (and probably ironically looking for an anonymiser program of their own), but there’s already talk of other anonymising programs that might still do the trick. You won’t find the list here because reading about it online is probably one of the reasons why the bastards found out and aren’t rotting in jail. TRAITORS.

So it’s back to torrents and other even more illegal behaviours for most of the world who simply can’t be bothered to wait the 84 inexplicable months between release dates in the US and everywhere else.

Still, we DO have the BBC iPlayer in the UK, so I’m alright Jack. Which is on tonight…

It’s official – fundamentalist Christian Republican idiots who have never seen another country, don’t read any newspapers, instead quoting Starbucks cup-renderings of stupid things that DEMOCRATS have actually said, and don’t even own a passport apparently are not good enough to be in charge of the large complex machine of the US government and the international ambassadors. Apparently that’s below par these days.

Listening to Barack Obama’s acceptance speech was oddly strange – where is all the stuttering? Where are all the grammatical errors, vacant stares and little chuckles that reveal a lack of understanding. Where is that deer-in-the-headlights blinking? This doesn’t sound like the US President I’ve come to be used to and loathe…something’s wrong…wait a second! They put someone competent in charge!

Yes, against all odds, after 8 years of inept, blind flailing in place of actual leadership, Americans have elected a man who’s middle name is Hussein, and last name looks like “Osama”, whilst simultaneously kicking out that classic American trope, the rich white ignorant frat-boy who can’t name or even point out major countries on a map of the world, a world he believes would be around 6 thousand years old.

But two unfinished wars, an economy in crisis, the biggest national deficit (achieved in just 8 years) following Clinton’s biggest surplus, a lack of even cursory geographical knowledge, the first and only US mainland attack following what is either a false flag operation or at best deliberate mismanagement of freely-available national security intelligence, and the US Nation finally told the Republican monster machine: “FAIL.”

As Michael Moore said ‘ “8 years was long enough. 8 WEEKS was long enough.”

Youtube’s Ad system pops up an extraordinary advert next to Obama’s response to the uncovered assassination plans. Advert Fail…

 

 

As of 21st October a funding drive on justgiving.com has raised over 48K Pounds Sterling (Sorry, no pound sign on this $hitty keyboard) to run an ad campaign in January 2009 on London’s Bendy Buses with a simple, yet effective, message seen all too rarely:

Despite an article in August in the Daily Telegraph claiming athesist didn’t reach their goal, within a few hours of the Campaign opening, the heathen unbelievers had raised enough moolah to piss of Stephen Green and Christian Voice forever. LOL.

Amongst the noted contributors were TV’s Charlie Brooker, a certain “Steve G” (we presume NOT Stephen Green?), Mars Attacks (the movie? Cruel parents perhaps?) and one Russell’s Teapot, along wioth the comment “I watch you and all of your deeds from space.”

This last one was hailed by critics of Atheism as “a real result”, thus proving the existence of the small teapot in outer space, and therefore the refutation of the notion that the burden of proof of the non-existence of God lies with the person NOT believing it, rather than the person asserting it.

The invisible pink unicorn was not available for comment.

Michael Moore has seen the light and offered his latest bit of filmic joy for free. Unfortunately his destributer hasn’t and the video on his site is only available in North America and Canada.

And on this blog. Take THAT, establishment!

Mitch Hedberg’s first posthumously released album is being released on September 9th 2008. It’s called Do You Believe in Gosh? and will feature all new material.

For those who aren’t familiar with Hedberg: if Jean Genet and Monty Python were to invent a Frankenstein One-Liner Comedian, the result would be Mitch Hedberg.

He stands out as one of the few comedians whose work is not smutty, offensive, political or “edgy”, and whose subject matter is, as he once put it in an interview “about like Bananas and shit”, but who simultaneously is face-disruptingly hilarious.

Unfortunately he is also dead.

It is perhaps the singular irony of my history of appreciating Mitch Hedberg’s comedy that I only discovered his existence through the announcement on another comic’s site that he had passed away.

Curious about this special mention (and the many others that followed on other comics’ sites soon after the soul-destroying news set in) I went to Limewire and downloaded two large files that turned out to be Mitch’s only two commercial albums. Immediately it dawned on me what me and most of the world outside American college comedy tours had missed in this remarkable comedian. And suddenly I was sad this so recently unknown person had died.

Since his death in March 2005 the power of the internet (particularly in the form of http://www.hedburgh.com) has furnished me with more underground recordings and video clips than should rightly be available for such an underrated and unknown comedian.

And since his two albums were all he had commercially available, it meant rifling through poor quality bootlegs actually yielded unknown jokes and routines. It also let you hear just how many of the audience had committed to memory his incredible one-liners as they yell them out in a comedic frenzy.

And when you hear the jokes, it becomes obvious why he had this effect.

– I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

– I got an ant farm…them fellas didn’t grow shit.

– I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

– I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.

– I wrote a script and gave it to a guy that reads scripts. And he read it and said he really likes it, but he thinks I need to rewrite it. I said, “Fuck that, I’ll just make a copy.”

– I did a movie with Peter Frampton. He’s a musical genius, but I don’t listen to his stuff. So I had to continuously try to draw attention away from the fact. Hey Frampton! Do you like toast too!? As do I. It is warm and crispy and the perfect place for jelly to lay. Now stay away from me Frampton, I ain’t got shit to say to you!

In fact his appearance in the movie he mentions above was Almost Famous. Depressingly, he doesn’t utter a word. That movie would have torn my face off with awesomeness had they given him a role.

As with all good comedians, Bill Hicks, George Carlin (so recently deceased at the time of writing) it always seems too soon when they did (even for Carlin, who was a less than sprightly 71.)

With Mitch it is worse, because the nature of his material meant it was so short. To make matters worse, (or better?) Hedberg penned and directed an all-comedian star movie called “Los Enchiladas” featuring the wonderfully acerbic Dave Attell and the other top one-line machine Todd Barry (whom I accidentally saw live in new York in 2004 before I knew what I was witnessing.)

What’s so heartbreaking is that it is commercially unreleased, with only a few teaser clips online. We can only hope, pray and quietly will it that the world will hopefully latch onto this guy, and that we will all become 13% more happy.

After his death the following show aired on the E! Channel in 2006.

And thanks again to the persistence of Mitch’s fans and the internet, the new cd has finally been greenlighted and features unreleased live material from January 2005, a few months before this wonderful soul’s demise. The release will be from Comedy Central Records. And it will rock.

Til then, you’ll find me listening to the bootlegs, and reminiscing about times I don’t even remember.

Do yourself a favour and buy these albums.

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Our favourite obese chap is back in the news. Manuel “Refer to me in the plural” Uribe, fat Mexican, is getting married (presumably to a lady who doesn’t mind the use of a wheelbarrow on dates.)

Uribe garnered “fame” as the world’s fattest “man”. I wonder if he did it for the Guinness title? Oh come on. He did it for the cheese covered chocolate bars…

Uribe’s desire is to be able to stand on his wedding day, which is the polar opposite of everybody else’s desire, but whatever, we are talking about a man who has spent most of his life just lying there like a fatty bean-bag, so getting up is probably the equivalent of going to a Theme Park for 9 Years straight. Good for him. It will be.

No wedding cake for you. Or a first dance for that matter. Or getting into or out of anywhere that only has doors and not some kind of vast industrial loading dock.

But seriously, all the best.

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Rage Against the Machine
Stream of Justice (Late 2008, Epic)

https://i0.wp.com/www.morecowbell.net/images/posts/2007/06/ratm-alpine.jpg

There isn’t an indie-politically-motivated-rap-metal-crossover fan that didn’t immediately cry bittersweet tears of happy when RATM released their latest offering in 2008. The song “Shit on you, I Won’t Comply” made major international headlines when it received accidental airplay during a military funeral in Carolina, instead of “Runaway Train” by Soul Asylum. Michael Moore directed the band’s single “My guitar is my Flag, I strum as a Salute” by videoing the band breaking into The UK House of Lords and generally jumping up and down on the seats before being sternly told off. ard, heavy, meaningful. 8/10

Alice in Chains
FaceDirt (Roadrunner, Nov 2008 )

Alice-In-Chains-Live--Unreleased-296967.jpg

AiC decided that a dead lead singer shouldn’t stop them, just as it didn’t stop Nirvana, The Beatles or Queen. The result is the searing, grunge manifesto of FaceDirt, which was released for the stocking-filler market at Christmas 2008. Ten tracks feature Jerry Cantrell, Mike Inez, the king of breakbeat rock drumming Sean Kinney and Comes with the Fall-Guy Wiliam DuVall, who does a superb job on lyrics. The album comes with a toy blade, a black dress doll you can stick pins in and other really really obscurely referenced toy spin-offs. 7/10

Fugees
I hear Voices…Wait, no you Don’t. (Jan 2009)

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Despite rumours of mental illness, hatred and black-on-black racism within the group, the Fugees came together in early 2009 to produce the seminal, nay fluid “I hear Voices…wait, no you don’t”. Wyclef Jean’s half-crooning, half rapping style was hampered by the fact that he chose to produce the album as he was singing it. The consequential button twisting noises, second takes sung right after first takes and not edited out, and constant suggestions about pitch tone and feeling spoken into the microphone as the other members sing severely hampers this album. 4/10

Guns ‘N’ Roses
Chinese Democracy (Spring 2009)

After only 16 tiny years wait, One 6th of Guns N Roses and a Third of all other bands got together finally to produce the symphonic, chronic, catatonic Chinese Democracy. Originally designed to coincide with the Beijing Olympics, the deadline was missed when Axl Rose, the sole remaining member of the GNR lineup, pulled the digital masters off the CD printing machine because “the horns aren’t quite fruity enough in Silkworms.” The completed 39 track album comes as a special edition with real 89 piece orchestra delivered to the home of each customer, who play along to each track in the listener’s lounge room. Price $8,000. Epic. 10/10

Dr Dre
Detox (Aftermath 2009)

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Dre, of NWA and Chronic Fame, hasn’t realised that his music is only ever played ironically these days. In fact, poor Dre’s dress sense is the first to be “mimicked expensively” as poor youths from round the world holed themselves up the face in credit card debt to drench themselves in jewels and puffy jackets worht $4000 “because if was hilarious and Ironic.” Standout tracks are ” Still infirm but Still in the Game”, “Ridin’ in my Stanna” and “Rap so hard my dentures come out” but overall it sounds more like Weid Al taking the piss. 4/10

Eminem
King Mathers (Shady Records, 2009)

Never one to disappoint or indeed shy from telling the world to suck it’s own penis, Eminem re-emerged with hist first studio album in 5 years. Raucousness, clever rhymes, real recorded executions of his enemies, and excellent guests make this the come-back album of the millenium. Tracks that shine include “F*ck You in the Knee”, “What Rhymes with Blunt, Shunt and Stunt, Your Face Does” and “Something Something Baby Mother”. 11/10

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If you don’t live in Sydney at the moment or are in possession of a working set of ears, you’d be excused for not knowing that in June 2008, some 250,000 Catholic pilgrims are descending upon the otherwise modern and progressive city and jewel of New South Wales. The Pope is getting shipped over like some heinous living statue, to be refeared (revered + feared) and worshiped like the false god he is.

Freaks, sheep and other types of loon who believe the earth is a few thousand years old will prance around in comedy hats, their absurd beliefs comforted and bolstered by throngs of other blinkered mealy-mouthed “sheepeople” quite happy to dispense with facts or reality.

And even certain bits of the Bible. I see those mixed fibres, HEATHEN! BE SLAIN!

In their crazed, lonely thousands they will make a (completely made up) pilgrimage through Sydney to Randwick Race-course to listen to former Hitler Youth and general OLD MAN Pope Benedict apologise that thousands of Catholic priests sexually abused their boys in the congregation, about which the Vatican then presided over a cover-up. Shame the Pope won’t be apologising about the equally damaging mind-abuse of countless souls as well. Guess that wouldn’t advance the cause.

And he’ll probably yell “Boo to condoms for Africa” while he’s at it. How dare you have a celibate tell the world about contraception.

The brilliant irony, of course is that the land these absurd piety-infected guilt-victims will be on a “pilgrimage” on, originally belonged to the Aboriginies, whose recorded culture extends far beyond the so-called “history” of the earth in Christian terms. A little bit like the Jews renting out the local Anglican church hall to do yoga. A Pork beef yoga barbecue celebrating Vishnu. Never mind.

That’s right, Sydney is being invaded by people who believe that, despite being human, this guy is infallible:

WHOOPS, I meant this guy:

Yes, awkward isn’t it.

Almost as awkward as when he removes Limbo from Catholic dogma, thereby laying bare for all to see, that the rules are all made up in front of us and what the Church believes deserves no respect or political or social sway in the real world.

Unfortunately quite the opposite is true in practice.

In preparation for the arrival of the Pope, the Government is doing the equivalent of what an over-preening teacher does to parents on parent-teacher meetings, short of getting on their knees and offering itself to the whole Catholic Gang like a massive whore. The government has appointed spokespeople, and, to the tune of over $85 million+, is bankrolling the whole absurd fiasco, whilst riding rough-shod over the whole region.

To begin with, the entire Central Business District is being sealed off – not sure why – presumably because the Pope, in all his faith and godly protection, doesn’t quite have enough faith to be satisfied that he won’t get popped off by some sniper. Or he has a big issue with people touching him. Wonder why.

The practical upshot of this lock-down is that everyone who works in Central Sydney is forced onto public transport, which is already overcrowded. Why? Because two thousand years ago, the following conversation took place.

Would be Pope: Hey this Jesus guy really threatened the status quo when he was alive. I want power like that, without doing a real job or being accountable to anyone.

Would be Pope’s mate: Well we should hijack his free-thinking, tie in a load of guilt and self-loathing, and use the image of a dead body nailed to some wood to make people feel like they owe us something. Then get them to give us money. Tell them that they will need to confess their sins to us, so we know all their weaknesses and can blackmail them with what we know.

Would be Pope: Ooh, can we get some nice supple boys too?

Would be Pope’s mate: Well, it wouldn’t be worth it if we didn’t have some young people to destroy! Hey, pass me my Halloween hat.

Would be Pope: And anytime people suggest we’re in the wrong we’ll deny our wrong-doings and tell them their guilty of a hate crime.

Would be Pope’s mate: ROFL (possibly an anachronism), Nice on L Ron Hub…I mean Pope-to-be.

As if the de-urbanisation of one of the world’s most important cities weren’t enough, certain streets are so restricted, people who actually live there won’t be able to park their own cars near their own houses. Trees and bushes in Surry Hills residential streets are actually being torn out of the ground so that the pilgrims can make their way to the race-course. Cycle ways are being erased permanently to make way for the guilty hordes. A North Sydney bakery has been placed in charge of making some 8 million wafers – then people are going to swallow it and ACTUALLY BELIEVE IT TURNS INTO JESUS’ BLOOD AND FLESH IN THEIR BODIES.

That is presumably until this or another internally elected Pope decides that that detail won’t stand up to modern ridicule anymore and just wipes it out.

Seriously, I’d love to see these prancing amateur politicians go to similar lengths if Richard Dawkins turn up. THAT would be awesome. I’ll get my Atheist T-Shirt out of storage.

But the real fundamental irony is in the name of this event. World Youth Day? For a start, there’s nothing worldly about it. It’s an indoctrination trip, reminiscent of the Nuremberg Rallies, designed to ensure that while Australia is far away from the ‘enlightened’ West, nevertheless you’d better keep up that guilt and those contributions.

Youth? Gimme a break. The average age of a Catholic Clergyman is probably 108 – Palpatine himself, the dear leader, would not cause so much as an eyebrow flicker of surprise if he had a massive coronary right now. He’s so OLD. Youth? Nice try, mind-manglers. And as for “Day” – this fiasco of transubstantiation, goose-stepping and general bullshit-spewing self-importance goes on for a whole damn week. Never mind those shops in the CBD who are set to make a loss, never mind people who actually have to go to work (and have bosses to answer to instead of the old Testment God), these dress-wearing cocks are being served a capital city up on a silver platter for no other reason than they display mass-insanity and collectively believe in reincarnation, miracles and magic.

Tolerance? Why? There are 4 billion Atheists, and we want our “World” and our “Youth” back. Now take off that lantern, it’s not meant to be used as a hat.

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