If you don’t live in Sydney at the moment or are in possession of a working set of ears, you’d be excused for not knowing that in June 2008, some 250,000 Catholic pilgrims are descending upon the otherwise modern and progressive city and jewel of New South Wales. The Pope is getting shipped over like some heinous living statue, to be refeared (revered + feared) and worshiped like the false god he is.

Freaks, sheep and other types of loon who believe the earth is a few thousand years old will prance around in comedy hats, their absurd beliefs comforted and bolstered by throngs of other blinkered mealy-mouthed “sheepeople” quite happy to dispense with facts or reality.

And even certain bits of the Bible. I see those mixed fibres, HEATHEN! BE SLAIN!

In their crazed, lonely thousands they will make a (completely made up) pilgrimage through Sydney to Randwick Race-course to listen to former Hitler Youth and general OLD MAN Pope Benedict apologise that thousands of Catholic priests sexually abused their boys in the congregation, about which the Vatican then presided over a cover-up. Shame the Pope won’t be apologising about the equally damaging mind-abuse of countless souls as well. Guess that wouldn’t advance the cause.

And he’ll probably yell “Boo to condoms for Africa” while he’s at it. How dare you have a celibate tell the world about contraception.

The brilliant irony, of course is that the land these absurd piety-infected guilt-victims will be on a “pilgrimage” on, originally belonged to the Aboriginies, whose recorded culture extends far beyond the so-called “history” of the earth in Christian terms. A little bit like the Jews renting out the local Anglican church hall to do yoga. A Pork beef yoga barbecue celebrating Vishnu. Never mind.

That’s right, Sydney is being invaded by people who believe that, despite being human, this guy is infallible:

WHOOPS, I meant this guy:

Yes, awkward isn’t it.

Almost as awkward as when he removes Limbo from Catholic dogma, thereby laying bare for all to see, that the rules are all made up in front of us and what the Church believes deserves no respect or political or social sway in the real world.

Unfortunately quite the opposite is true in practice.

In preparation for the arrival of the Pope, the Government is doing the equivalent of what an over-preening teacher does to parents on parent-teacher meetings, short of getting on their knees and offering itself to the whole Catholic Gang like a massive whore. The government has appointed spokespeople, and, to the tune of over $85 million+, is bankrolling the whole absurd fiasco, whilst riding rough-shod over the whole region.

To begin with, the entire Central Business District is being sealed off – not sure why – presumably because the Pope, in all his faith and godly protection, doesn’t quite have enough faith to be satisfied that he won’t get popped off by some sniper. Or he has a big issue with people touching him. Wonder why.

The practical upshot of this lock-down is that everyone who works in Central Sydney is forced onto public transport, which is already overcrowded. Why? Because two thousand years ago, the following conversation took place.

Would be Pope: Hey this Jesus guy really threatened the status quo when he was alive. I want power like that, without doing a real job or being accountable to anyone.

Would be Pope’s mate: Well we should hijack his free-thinking, tie in a load of guilt and self-loathing, and use the image of a dead body nailed to some wood to make people feel like they owe us something. Then get them to give us money. Tell them that they will need to confess their sins to us, so we know all their weaknesses and can blackmail them with what we know.

Would be Pope: Ooh, can we get some nice supple boys too?

Would be Pope’s mate: Well, it wouldn’t be worth it if we didn’t have some young people to destroy! Hey, pass me my Halloween hat.

Would be Pope: And anytime people suggest we’re in the wrong we’ll deny our wrong-doings and tell them their guilty of a hate crime.

Would be Pope’s mate: ROFL (possibly an anachronism), Nice on L Ron Hub…I mean Pope-to-be.

As if the de-urbanisation of one of the world’s most important cities weren’t enough, certain streets are so restricted, people who actually live there won’t be able to park their own cars near their own houses. Trees and bushes in Surry Hills residential streets are actually being torn out of the ground so that the pilgrims can make their way to the race-course. Cycle ways are being erased permanently to make way for the guilty hordes. A North Sydney bakery has been placed in charge of making some 8 million wafers – then people are going to swallow it and ACTUALLY BELIEVE IT TURNS INTO JESUS’ BLOOD AND FLESH IN THEIR BODIES.

That is presumably until this or another internally elected Pope decides that that detail won’t stand up to modern ridicule anymore and just wipes it out.

Seriously, I’d love to see these prancing amateur politicians go to similar lengths if Richard Dawkins turn up. THAT would be awesome. I’ll get my Atheist T-Shirt out of storage.

But the real fundamental irony is in the name of this event. World Youth Day? For a start, there’s nothing worldly about it. It’s an indoctrination trip, reminiscent of the Nuremberg Rallies, designed to ensure that while Australia is far away from the ‘enlightened’ West, nevertheless you’d better keep up that guilt and those contributions.

Youth? Gimme a break. The average age of a Catholic Clergyman is probably 108 – Palpatine himself, the dear leader, would not cause so much as an eyebrow flicker of surprise if he had a massive coronary right now. He’s so OLD. Youth? Nice try, mind-manglers. And as for “Day” – this fiasco of transubstantiation, goose-stepping and general bullshit-spewing self-importance goes on for a whole damn week. Never mind those shops in the CBD who are set to make a loss, never mind people who actually have to go to work (and have bosses to answer to instead of the old Testment God), these dress-wearing cocks are being served a capital city up on a silver platter for no other reason than they display mass-insanity and collectively believe in reincarnation, miracles and magic.

Tolerance? Why? There are 4 billion Atheists, and we want our “World” and our “Youth” back. Now take off that lantern, it’s not meant to be used as a hat.

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