A new report has warned that consumption of fish in youngsters needs to be limited to one portion every fortnight, or your kidlet will go Brainmental.

According to this news story, larger predatory fish are likely to be very high in mercury (which they seem to get from smaller fish. One would therefore think you need to avoid them too.)

The catchy mottos the media are trying to get us to parrot like apes (excuse the mixed animal metaphor) are:

Acting Minister for Primary Industries Linda Burney said: “An easy rule … is that when whole the fish should be the size of an average plate.” (News.com.au)


The rule of thumb was “small fish for the small fry”, said Professor Corbett, a director of the Centre for Population Health. (SMH)

I humbly offer my own below.

“If the fish could kill your child, the fish will kill your child.”
– Me

“Fish heavier than your child? That will be heavy for your child.”

“An Apple a Day keeps the doctor away. Some swordfish a day will ensure your child spends all eternity in a rotting, mercury-filled prison of the mind.”

“Don’t download fish into your face. You are downloading a Nutter Virus into your offspring.”