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10. The Cheat to Win Bracelet
Make your hippie friend look twice. Then lamp him in the face and flick the bracelet into his eye. A real friend-winner.
9. The Professional Whisk set
With 28 tennis-elbow inducing whisks, this is the one to give to your wife or girlfriend. Or even BOTH!
8. “I wish I Were Dead” Mug
Make your coworkers shifty and nervous that you may likely snap and shoot them all – hurray for open plan!
7. Ho Ho Ho – I saw You Masturbating Xmas Cards
THE best xmas card to send late – it’s like Santa was biding his time, watching you all thw hile. PAEDO!
There are so many Tees out there these days – why not wear ALL of them AT ONCE? Leave this one on the outside though. otherwise you’d look weird.
5. The Visorganiser
Hate being popular? Want to look like a complete dolt? This turns your hat into another pocket! Walk around with everything all the time FOREVER!
4. A self-referential tote bag
Good job there’s a French stick in that photo, so the model could conceal his raging hard-on at the prospect of having this AMAZING product. GET FIVE. THEN GET MORE ARMS TO HOLD THEM ALL!
3. No Trans-Fatties bumper Sticker
Watch out if you’re a chubber AND behind THIS car. You just got served, girl(or boy-)friend! And not in the way that your nine meals a day go. HA! FAT!
2. Peaceful Progression Smoke Alarm
Alarms are really harsh these days. I mean what ifn you’re asleep? It might wake you up or something. Screw that. I’d rather burn to death to the sound of a forest of tranquility. Get a soothing alarm today!
Doesn’t get any better than having all of them. Walk round like a satire-prone blinged out Irony Pimp with all this posh tosh hanging off you like it’s Xmas.
After the revelation that Ledger had been taking Ambien/StilNox, this ‘joke’ appeared on PleaseGodNo today. It seems that the phrase “too soon?” no longer seems to apply. Not that I can imagine any time being right for this kind of joke.
There’s a difference between pushing an envelope and being a heartless prick.
One IDIOT on the site rants:
heath ledger’s death is all part of a viral campaign for the new batman movie. promotions for the dark knight have included coordinates to places in america to meet up for special gatherings for the film and defaced websites and the usual ARP related games. this is no different. when the film is released, the joker’s biggest prank of all will be revealed and he will indeed laugh at the fools who believed this.
That’s right – we’re all the subject of this “joke”in which a young father dies leaving a daughter and a grieving family behind (whose public statement is really CONVINCING – wow, a family of actors…)and it’s all to sell a film. Twankunt.
Amazing place, Australia.
Just a few months ago, there was a 80+ person brawl at a WAKE in Balmain, Sydney’s posh suburb to the west. Presumably one guy reckoned the “corpse didn’t look dead enough” or “black does make you look fat darling.”
Then in November there was a 150 person fist-pile-up in Sydney at a birthday bash. Now, I’m not a 100% on this one, but I think 150 people counts as a skirmish, in military terms.
The 500 person brawl kicked off at the Pontoon bar (Pictures here) and many papers are variously describing it as a skirmish, a brawl, a fight or even a ‘situation.’
However, according to my copy of Smith’s Imperial Military Measurements – Revised edition due to Editorial Fisticuff, a 500 person fight is technically a ‘war’:
“Rough divisions of entanglement by number:
1 on 1
Fight, fisticuffs, punch-up
2 on 1
kicking, beating, smacking, twatting
2 on 2
spiked punch, wrecking ball, brawl, thudding
up to 10 members
face-blast, Catherine-Wheel of fists, Ambulance Party
up to 50
Skirmish, Insurgency, Rampage, Bushwhack
Regional Instability, Airstrike, Battle of Helm’s Deep
Civil War, Tibetan Face-Lift, Tearing the Planet a new one
All Out War (including international embargoes, no flight zones, millions of deaths and sopme sort of state controlled war budget.”
(Source, Smith’s Imperial Military Measurements, pp86-100)
What is interesting is this seems to have been a WAR waged in Sydney by the Serbian population. So essentially we have the world’s first civil war on foreign soil – making it a sort of ‘outsourced’ war (let’s face it – Sydney has more to offer than Serbia when it comes to shiny chairs to throw at people etc.)